We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
