I cannot find my penis.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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