he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Is Oprah even human
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
