Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
