Plan B is the new Plan A
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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