I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
