You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
where are you?
Hypothermia
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
