At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Randomize