The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Randomize
