drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
