i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
