dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
