I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
