No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Randomize
