Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Randomize
