I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
