dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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