Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
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