take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
