What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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