Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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