ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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