why didn't you poke me back
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
