i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
