Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
