I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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