Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
