am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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