I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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