I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
