I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
