Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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