just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
