just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
