she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i think i have two assholes
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
