and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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