My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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