the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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