Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize