She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
