AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
