why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
