Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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