Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
