i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize