im drinking this country out of the recession.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
