dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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