Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
