apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Life is so much better after having sex.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
