He disabled his match.com account in front of me
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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