Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
