Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
