Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
