i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
organizing the empties. That sober.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
