I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
