Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
