i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
