I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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