my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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