In America we eat man semen.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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