roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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