Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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