Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize