So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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