I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
kristin has been a bad kristin
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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