just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
