I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
