You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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