i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize