Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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