You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
