At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
