Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
