Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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