You're my little dorito
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
