About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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