i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
How's work?
Spinning.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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