I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
