Dual....:-)
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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