Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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