Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
how drunk are you?
Several
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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