so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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