theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
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