I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
