Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
