i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
