was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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