fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
