I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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