I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
