When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
