You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
