Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Randomize
