I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You need Xanax blowdarts
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
