You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
