We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize