I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
