somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Randomize