Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
you made out with another girl for some wings
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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