he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
