Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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